Please Don’t Tell Me How to Grieve
September 15, 2025
Grief Is Deeply Personal
No two journeys look the same. And yet, people often feel the need to comment, criticize, or even prescribe how someone should grieve.
Maybe you’ve heard phrases like:
“You’re crying too much.”
“You just need to let it go.”
“It’s time to move on.”
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of those words, you know how unhelpful—sometimes even cruel—they can feel.
My Story of Grief
When I was fifteen, my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack at the very end of my freshman year of high school. The end of the school year is usually full of concerts, activities, and celebrations, but that season of joy turned into one of heartbreak.
Only a week or two after his passing, my high school’s concert choir was performing. Because music had always been my source of comfort and peace, I decided to go and sing. I’m still grateful I did. Singing helped me breathe again, if only for a moment.
But not everyone saw it that way.
A week later, I overheard that some classmates were talking about me—saying I must not have cared that my dad died since I showed up to a choir concert. That was the first time I felt the sting of cruelty after loss. Instead of compassion, I was met with judgment and misunderstanding.
In truth, I was broken, barely surviving, and clinging to music as one of the few things holding me together. That experience taught me something I’ll never forget: we should never criticize how someone grieves.
Grieving Mindfully
We are allowed to grieve in the way that feels right for us. For some, that may mean tears and silence. For others, it may look like journaling, prayer, or even showing up to sing.
Grieving mindfully doesn’t mean ignoring pain—it means allowing yourself to feel while seeking healthy ways to process those emotions. We can grieve fully and still hold hope.
What We Really Need
What we don’t need is judgment. What we do need is support.
Instead of telling someone how to grieve, try asking:
“What do you need right now?”
“How can I be here for you?”
“How can I pray for you?”
Other meaningful ways to show care:
Sit with them in silence—presence often speaks louder than words.
Bring a meal or a cup of coffee.
Send a simple text like, “Thinking of you today.”
Share a memory of their loved one.
Offer practical help—mow the lawn, pick up groceries, help with childcare.
Check in later. Grief doesn’t end after the funeral.
Give permission to laugh again.
Small, compassionate gestures remind hurting hearts that they’re not alone—that their pain matters and that it’s safe to feel.
The Root of Grief
At its core, grief comes from love. We grieve because we have loved deeply—and when love is torn by loss, it hurts.
But often what makes grief so heavy is the loneliness. When others rush us to “move on” or disappear because they don’t know what to say, the silence becomes another loss.
That’s why presence matters more than words. We don’t need perfect answers—just people willing to walk with us through the wilderness of sorrow.
Let’s Walk in This Together
If you’ve walked through grief, what brought you comfort in that season? Share your story in the comments—it may be the encouragement someone else needs today.
And if you know someone who is grieving, resist the urge to fix it. Simply reach out. Ask how you can be there. Sit beside them. Pray with them.
Because the most healing words we can offer are often unspoken:
“You are not alone.”
Scripture Reflection
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
— 2 Corinthians 1:3–4
Disclaimer: The reflections shared in this post are part of my personal story and faith journey. While I am a graduate counseling student working toward licensure, I am not a licensed counselor at this time. The content on this blog is intended for encouragement and spiritual reflection, not as professional counseling, therapy, or medical advice.
If you are struggling with your mental health or experiencing grief that feels overwhelming, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. If you are in crisis, call 911 or dial 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) for immediate support. You are not alone—help and hope are always available.
With grace and light,
Jess
