Beyond the Mirror

September 19, 2025

When the Mirror Lies

My weight has fluctuated over the course of my almost 20 years of adulthood—(wow, I feel old when I say that!). I have been as heavy as 235 pounds and as light as 135 pounds, and in both seasons, I was equally unhealthy for my body type. At my heaviest, I was ashamed of the state of my postpartum body even a year after giving birth. That weight wasn’t just about food; it was the result of stress, an abusive marriage, and drinking. At my lowest, I panicked that I had an illness causing rapid weight loss… but once again, the culprit was stress and another abusive relationship.

It’s amazing how much stress, unhealthy relationships, and alcohol can affect the body. Looking back, I thank God for directing me away from all the things that were destroying me, even when I didn’t realize how deep the damage ran.

The Wake-Up Call

I want to be candid here: I’ve never had an official eating disorder, so I can’t speak to that experience. But recently, I have struggled with something new—body dysmorphia.

Body dysmorphia is a mental health condition where a person becomes overly focused on perceived flaws in their appearance—flaws that often aren’t noticeable to others. It can distort how you see yourself in the mirror and leave you obsessing over details that don’t define your worth.

Last year, I was in the best shape of my life. My high-intensity workouts felt “easy” and even fun. I loved moving my body, feeling strong, and discovering how much I could push myself. Friends and family noticed too. At first, it felt good when people said, “Wow, you look great—high school skinny.” But then the comments shifted. People started asking if I was okay, if something was wrong.

It rattled me. I made an appointment with my doctor, terrified it might be cancer or some other hidden illness. Her answer? Stress. That diagnosis hit me harder than I expected. It was a wake-up call that even when I thought I was thriving, my body was still carrying the weight of life’s pressures in ways I couldn’t see.

Beyond the Scale

Here’s the thing: I don’t believe in the number on the scale. Weight alone is such a poor measurement of health. There are too many factors—height, body composition, water retention, muscle mass. The same goes for clothing sizes, which are so inconsistent it’s almost laughable. (Seriously, can we all agree designers need to work together on a standard sizing system?)

Instead, I measure my health in different ways. I ask myself: How do I feel in my body? Can I walk up a flight of stairs without feeling winded? Can I keep up with my kids when they’re running around the yard or playing soccer?

I also use my clothes as a gentle gauge—not in a shameful way, but in a practical one. I’ll hang onto old pieces, and if last summer’s shorts feel a little tighter the next spring, I chalk it up to Minnesota winter weight gain (because comfort food, post-holidays, and a lack of outdoor activity in the freezing cold are real). I don’t let it define me—it’s just a reminder that seasons affect my body, and that’s okay.

Balance and Grace

I’m not a nutritionist or a fitness instructor, but I have friends who are, and I’ve learned so much from them. I try to fuel my body with nutrient-dense foods. I move my body not to shrink it, but to care for my mind, strengthen my spirit, and glorify God.

Today, at 37, I am grateful. Grateful that I can still run, lift, stretch, and push myself. Grateful that my body has carried me through valleys of abuse, addiction, and stress—and still shows up for me every day.

But I also give myself grace. Some nights, I binge on snacks and Netflix, and that’s okay. Health isn’t about perfection. It’s about balance, stewardship, and honoring the body God gave us while remembering that our worth isn’t measured by the mirror or the number on a tag.

Because here’s the truth: the mirror can lie, but God never does. He calls us fearfully and wonderfully made—and no number or size will ever change that.

Call to Action:
Have you wrestled with body image, weight fluctuations, or stress-related health struggles? You are not alone. Share your story in the comments—your honesty might be the encouragement someone else needs today.

Disclaimer:The reflections shared in this post are part of my personal story and faith journey. While I am a graduate counseling student working toward licensure, I am not a licensed counselor at this time. The content on this blog is intended for encouragement, education, and spiritual reflection—not as a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical advice.

If you are struggling with body image concerns, eating disorders, or mental health challenges, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. If you are in crisis, call 911 or dial 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S.) for immediate support. You are not alone—help is available, and there is always hope.

With grace and light,

Jess