My First Confession
April 1st, 2026
The Kind of Healing I Didn’t Know Was Possible
This weekend, I will be confirmed into the Catholic Church and receive the Eucharist for the very first time. Even writing that brings tears to my eyes. But before any of that, I experienced something I will carry with me for the rest of my life—my first confession.
I want to share this, not as advice or theology, but simply as my story… and what God did in my heart.
There’s a passage I read right before going in that stopped me in my tracks: “While confession is about healing the soul, I believe these words have healed more psychological problems than all the therapists in the world…” From the bookFountain of Youth: Confession The Only Key to Living Forever by by Dave Durand.
That felt bold. Almost too bold. And yet… something in me knew there was truth in it.
Because while therapy has been a beautiful and necessary part of my healing journey, I’ve also come to believe this: there are places in the human heart that only Jesus can fully reach. Not instead of support, not instead of growth—but deeper than both.
Walking In
If I’m honest, I wasn’t afraid of confessing my sins. I was afraid of doing it wrong.
I wanted to get the words right. Follow the structure. Be respectful. Do it “correctly.” But beneath that… I felt something unexpected.
Excitement.
As I sat waiting, I noticed the smallest, sweetest moment—a little one-year-old girl nearby, smiling and full of life. Something about her stirred something in me. It reminded me of my own inner child. The one who has walked through so much. The one God has been gently healing all along.
And in that moment, I felt peace.
Not anxiety.
Peace.
Saying It Out Loud
When it was my turn, I knelt behind the screen and began: “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession.” And from there… I stumbled.
It didn’t come out polished or organized like I had imagined. It came out human. Messy. Real. And honestly, that’s what it needed to be. Because confession wasn’t about performing… it was about surrendering.
As I spoke, I shared things I had already worked through over the years. My sobriety journey. My past. The ways God has already been transforming my heart.
But then… something happened I didn’t expect. I shared something I have carried for a lifetime. Something from my childhood. Something I have never said out loud—not to a therapist, not to anyone.
And in that moment, I realized… God wasn’t just inviting me to confess my sins.
He was inviting me to be fully seen.
What I Thought Would Happen… Didn’t
If you had asked me before this, I would have told you I expected judgment.
Especially as a divorced single mom.
Especially as someone in recovery.
But what I experienced instead was compassion. Gentleness. Understanding. The priest didn’t meet me with shame. He met me with reassurance. He acknowledged the work I had already done. He spoke into my heart as a mother, especially in my struggle with control. And then… he gave me my penance.
Not something heavy.
Not something punishing.
A prayer of gratitude. To thank God for what He has already done in my life.
Walking Out Lighter
I left that confessional feeling something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. Light.
Not because everything in my life is perfect. Not because my past disappeared. But because something shifted. Something was released.
On the drive home, I cried tears of joy. And the only words that kept coming to mind were: God is so, so good.
What I’m Taking With Me
This experience didn’t replace therapy. It didn’t erase my journey. But it added something sacred.
It reminded me that healing is not just about understanding ourselves… it’s about bringing every part of ourselves into the presence of God. Even the parts we’ve never spoken out loud. Especially those parts.
If you’re reading this and you’re carrying something heavy, something hidden, something you’ve never said out loud… I just want you to know this:
You are not too far gone.
You are not too broken.
You are not beyond grace.
There is a kind of healing that happens when we stop hiding.
And for me… that healing met me in a quiet confessional, behind a screen, with trembling hands and an open heart.
And I will never be the same.
A Moment for You
Take a quiet moment today—just you and God.
Ask yourself gently:
What am I still holding onto that I’ve never fully brought into the light?
You don’t have to fix it.
You don’t have to have the right words.
Just bring it to Him.
Let yourself be seen.
Scripture Reminders
“Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin.” — Psalm 32:5
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” — 1 John 1:9
Closing Prayer
Father,
Thank You for meeting me with mercy instead of judgment. Thank You for seeing every part of me… the parts I’ve shared and the parts I’ve hidden… and loving me the same.
Teach me to keep bringing my heart into the light. Give me the courage to be honest, the humility to surrender, and the faith to trust in Your healing.
For anyone reading this who is carrying something heavy, remind them that they are not alone. That You are gentle. That You are near. That Your grace is bigger than anything they’ve done or experienced.
Thank You for the freedom that comes from being known and still loved.
Amen.
Disclaimer: This reflection shares a personal faith experience and is not a substitute for professional mental health support. Healing often involves multiple layers of care, including spiritual, emotional, and relational support.
